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Goodbye from Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia that nobody can edit. God has inspired us to demolish 37,251 articles in anticipation of the imminent apocalypse.
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Today's Least Interesting Article
Henry (born Heinz) Alfred Kissinger (May 27, 1923 – November 29, 2023) is the most notorious bore of 20th-century international politics and the chief proponent of Realpolitik. He developed an approach to diplomacy called Primat der Außenpolitik and an approach to language involving sprinkling pretentious foreign words everywhere. His unintelligible advice baffled both Richard Nixon and thus certainly Gerald Ford, the two U.S. Presidents under whom he served between 1969 and 1977. His call for détente in U.S.–Soviet relations sent leaders of both nations to the dictionary, hoping it meant something dirty. His diplomacy played a crucial role in 1971 talks with Chinese Premier Zhou Enlai that concluded with a rapprochement between Kissinger and a lot of hot Chinese chicks. In the crowning achievement of his career, he was awarded the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize for talking Nixon out of his last-ditch plan to win the Vietnam War by carpet-bombing Stockholm. (more...)
Previously featured article – Rastadon
The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer. (more...)
More of the worst of Uncyclopedia
The future
June 11: Ontological Empiricism Day
- 1770 - Captain James Cook wonders whether the Great Barrier Reef actually 'exists', or is simply a bundle of sense-data, which is 'perceived' by most to be a coral reef. He is driven mad within minutes.
- 1879 - The Prince of Oranges and Lemons dies.
- 1922 - The Society of Post-postmodernism declares ontological empiricism shallow and pedantic.
- 1945 - The last day Kyle was seen... Have you seen Kyle?
- 1963 - A Buddhist monk, believing himself to have perfected fireproof clothing, performs a public demonstration of the clothes by setting himself on fire in a crowded Vietnamese street. Predictably, the monk himself was not fireproof and burned to death.
- 1979 - The constituencies of Ontological and Empirical both redrawn as safe Liberal Democrat seats, as no other party understand them.
- 1993 - Margaret Thatcher lost in Woolworths; found near Pic'n'Mix.
- 1999 - Cheese is reinvented as a basic element after complaints from several pan-dimensional beings.
- 2004 - Bare assertion fallacy rediscovered as brash, and somewhat tittilating.
- 2005 - Uncyclopedia users baffled by the words 'ontological', 'empiricism', and in some cases, 'day'. Due to that, no-one understands the June 11 On This Day.
- 2006 - Uncyclopedia users, armed with pocket thesauruses, attempt to post something relevant. Success is extremely limited.
- 2007 - The creator of Ontological Empiricism Day is punched in the face by God. 'Here you have a proof of both your existence and logos!' declared the agressor.
- 2008 - The Hermeneutic Society votes against holding Ontological Empiricism Day, quoting the 'Universe Indexed Properties and the Fate of the Ontological Argument' papers.
- 2010 - Steve Irwin confirmed as 'still dead'.
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