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Rest In Peace brave souls
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| Today's Featured Article
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In Memoriam
Is it with great sadness that Uncyclopedia must report the loss of two of the most beloved members of the Uncyclopedian Community. A day of mourning has been announced.
Todd "Howlin'" Lyons and Some "Fingers" User worked tirelessly for the betterment of others, and both in their own unique ways have improved and left their mark on the Uncyclopedia you see before you today. Their self sacrifice will long be remembered, and plans are underway to erect a fitting monument, the Tomb of the Unknown Contributor.
A minute's deletion is to be observed.
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| On this day...
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June 12: Elephant Flossing Day, Hug a Proctologist Day
- 1885 - At a murder trial in France, a roof collapses, killing 30 people, finally ending the vicious cycle of "justice" in France once and for all!
- 1932 - Current month begins bustin' out all over, ends up leaving a horrible mess. Incident later depicted in the musical Carousel.
- 1939 - In northern Africa, Adolf Hitler refuses to floss an elephant as a gesture of welcome from a local tribe, as "it could be full of gay". Tribesmen chase him out, and he takes his anger out on Poland soon after.
- 1987 - In Chernobyl, Russian Emperor Mikhail Gorbachev accidentally misflosses an elephant during the Chernobyl Elephant Flossing Day Annual Festival. As a result, reactor #2 at the Chernobyl nuclear flossing plant explodes, killing 42 people and injuring one elephant.
- 1987 - Schenectady woman Joyce Q. Spepple claims to see vision of Virgin Mary in a taco salad; it is later proven to be a secret message from Helen Reddy.
- 1987 - In Berlin, Ronald Reagan challenges Mikhail Gorbachev to "tear down this wall." The Battle of the Berlin Wall ensues over trellis styles and flowering vine colors.
- 1987 - Reagan forgets what the Battle of the Berlin Wall was about.
- 1987 - Borg attack sector 001 (before breakfast) reminding Reagan that "resistance is futile". Reagan nukes Borg while shouting "Assimilate this motherflossers!".
- 1987 - All women's underwear declared illegal in Warsaw Pact nations. NATO, having seen Warsaw Pact women, don't really care.
- 1987 - World attacked by aliens from Pluto (lunchtime). Pluto declared a non-planet, attack vaporizes as they are not real.
- 1987 - World stock markets crash. Lehman Brothers is given a ticket for "failure to yield". Markets rebound and begin dating other markets.
- 1987 - 2,479,802 other major civilization-threatening events occur. No one notices due to Communist underwear crisis.
- 2010 - Justin Beiber, Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson are all found dead after an apparent fight over who got to fuck Kristen Stewart. Kristen's response was "Fuck you, you motherfuckers. Justin Beiber? He ain't even legal. No one's gonna come between me and my man, Robert. Wait, Robert's dead? Oh HELL NO!"
- 2011 - Garden Gnome sexing becomes an Olympic sport. Justin Beiber is named captain of Canadian and United States teams.
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| Word of the Day
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Death
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
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| In the news
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- Oscar Wilde writes a poem showing what he thinks about the deaths of Some User and Todd Lyons(he misses them very much).
- Editors of uncyclopedia.wikia.com die and appoint earwig-human hybrid to manage Recent News.
- Jesus was revived. But Norwegian Space Ottars mistook him for a fish and buried him in their gardens. He died.
- Gothic people slit their wrists and write tragic poems, nothing newsworthy there...
- The emos commit mass suicide, but nobody cares...duh...
- Mourners flow through the streets of New York in melodramatic fashion,
demonstrating, parading, blocking traffic and inciting riots.
- All Uncyclopedians are wearing black armbands.
- The Japanese are comitting mass seppuku.
- The British are maintaining a stiff upper lip. In France, rioting ensues.
- Physicists at IITb publish a paper no one could understand. Basically they wanted 1 hour of strict mourning to be observed.
- The State Department for Social Security will NOT pay successors' pensions to the relatives.
- All the Russians are drunk. All the Dutch are stoned. Peyote use at an alarming high among Native Americans.
- In the middle east the streets are full of women wailing loudly.
- The Americans have organised a drive through service.
a duh /b/ was here
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| If anyone cares on a day like today...
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*... one of the great ironies of the Crimean War was that the Earl of Sandwich's troops were constantly sandwiched between Russian artillery and cavalry?
- ... and that Lord Raglan had nothing up his sleeve?
- ... verb noun preposition article verb noun?
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Protected by Sacred Ground, and our Prayers.
