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Today's featured article – Henry Kissinger Henry (born Heinz) Alfred Kissinger (May 27, 1923 – November 29, 2023) is the most notorious bore of 20th-century international politics and the chief proponent of Realpolitik. He developed an approach to diplomacy called Primat der Außenpolitik and an approach to language involving sprinkling pretentious foreign words everywhere. His unintelligible advice baffled both Richard Nixon and thus certainly Gerald Ford, the two U.S. Presidents under whom he served between 1969 and 1977. His call for détente in U.S.–Soviet relations sent leaders of both nations to the dictionary, hoping it meant something dirty. His diplomacy played a crucial role in 1971 talks with Chinese Premier Zhou Enlai that concluded with a rapprochement between Kissinger and a lot of hot Chinese chicks. In the crowning achievement of his career, he was awarded the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize for talking Nixon out of his last-ditch plan to win the Vietnam War by carpet-bombing Stockholm. (more...) Recently featured: Rastadon The Addams Family Finnish sauna Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Rastadon The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer. (more...) You can vote for your favorite articles to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Selected anniversaries June 11: Ontological Empiricism Day 1770 - Captain James Cook wonders whether the Great Barrier Reef actually 'exists', or is simply a bundle of sense-data, which is 'perceived' by most to be a coral reef. He is driven mad within minutes. 1879 - The Prince of Oranges and Lemons dies. 1922 - The Society of Post-postmodernism declares ontological empiricism shallow and pedantic. 1945 - The last day Kyle was seen... Have you seen Kyle? 1963 - A Buddhist monk, believing himself to have perfected fireproof clothing, performs a public demonstration of the clothes by setting himself on fire in a crowded Vietnamese street. Predictably, the monk himself was not fireproof and burned to death. 1979 - The constituencies of Ontological and Empirical both redrawn as safe Liberal Democrat seats, as no other party understand them. 1993 - Margaret Thatcher lost in Woolworths; found near Pic'n'Mix. 1999 - Cheese is reinvented as a basic element after complaints from several pan-dimensional beings. 2004 - Bare assertion fallacy rediscovered as brash, and somewhat tittilating. 2005 - Uncyclopedia users baffled by the words 'ontological', 'empiricism', and in some cases, 'day'. Due to that, no-one understands the June 11 On This Day. 2006 - Uncyclopedia users, armed with pocket thesauruses, attempt to post something relevant. Success is extremely limited. 2007 - The creator of Ontological Empiricism Day is punched in the face by God. 'Here you have a proof of both your existence and logos!' declared the agressor. 2008 - The Hermeneutic Society votes against holding Ontological Empiricism Day, quoting the 'Universe Indexed Properties and the Fate of the Ontological Argument' papers. 2010 - Steve Irwin confirmed as 'still dead'. Archived Anniversaries	suggest Word of the day [[ redundancy]] Try to use it in conversation. Knowledge is power. edit In the news Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎ Sunak soaked for General Election announcement (pictured) Ferrell sues owner of look-alike dog Alfa Romeos to get even uglier Ukraine minister charged with corruption French guard Buckingham Palace Congressman inadvertently uses hurtful slur, millions traumatized Royal shock as original photo discovered Biden v Trump rematch confirmed UK bans puberty for children Germany spills British military secrets Scientists meld nuclear fusion and AI Brits make book on King Charles cancer U.S. returns to the moon Miami aliens finger new Epstein clients More Current Events at UnNews News edit Did you know... ... the answer to this question? Do you care... ... is 8th grade math? Read More
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Writer and Noob of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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